Someone with expereince in mental-emotional health that can help me- big problems?

First off, I was born to be a wild, inhibited, outgoing carefree girl until at a very young age, my mother traumitized me and cause me to shut down. My father saw this extreme change in me. She suffered from schitzophrenic & irrationally paranoid mental illness that caused her to act irrationally and like a pshychotic demon around me when I was around 5 or younger. If you know anything about this, you would know that young child's personality can be completely changed when traumatic events plague them until they eventually shut down and turn into completely introverted, anxious shy person which causes them to have this as their new personality/way of behavior. This happened to me, and I finally figured out when I went to caounseling. All my life I wonderred why I could not be happy, outgoing and make friends like the other kids. I am now 19 and still plagued with horrible anxiety, despite countless other therapeutical techniqes. I was also on klonopin for 2 years which helped until I felt like I was ready to come off of it. After that, I still had horrible anxiety that lead me to become an alcoholic, a battle I am still fighting to overcome. I am a christian and have been asking God to rid me of my anxiety since I was in elementary school. Why won't he do it already? Have I not suffered enough?It's not fair because I have tried meditation and trying to renew myself to become a confident person, so many things, and the worst part is, I feel like I was robbed of my true self. The person I am now, is not the real me. I was supposed to be this wild, carefree confident person, that was supposed to be my natural self, it's not fair, I never had a chance to stop what happened to me. There is no escape from this false personality I have been living with my whole life- It is deeply ingrained in me- I just want have the real personality I was supposed to have. My whole life has been nothing but pain and I can't take it anymore. I have tried everything. I am at my wits end, tired of living in this false personality that I cannot escape & with this heart wrenching anxiety that came with it. Why won't God give me back me real personality? I am 19 years old. I can't take this anymore.