I don't want to be an abusive person, I need help.?

may be you should try taking up boxing karate paintballing or something else that you could let off steam with it seams you lose your temper you should talk to some one about your fears from what i have read you are looking for a mother figure who will understand your problems and you can cry on with out being embarrassed if you can control the point when you snap then you should consider talking to some one and letting all of your concerns out why you feel so angry get to the root of the cause and you will find the cure. it seems you have never had the mother love most people have had in there lives and it seems you need a companion who can give you that also you should question your sexuallity maybe you could be gay and denying it ?